I recently received an email from a young Muslim unmarried lady, who obviously wants to get married. She is Qureshi by caste, and is a Ph.D. and an Asst Prof in Psychology in a degree college in Western UP.
Her email, given below, depicts the plight of many single, highly educated, young ladies, of all communities, not just Muslims ( many of whom I know ) in the Indian subcontinent
” Hello sir, assalamualaikum (peace be upon you)
Hope you are well. I really appreciate the way you connect with general folks and try to make them open minded and really educated, not on paper only, but in the real sense.
I am writing to you to share a problem of mine, but of course its about numerous single, highly educated, Muslim girls of India.
Sir, I am 34 years old, OBC Muslim ( Qureshi ), PhD from a top medical college. I am a senior assistant professor in a degree college in western UP, but despite all this I am unmarried. The reason is because Muslim men are not that educated among OBCs, and if they are, most have high demands, and sometimes not good in character and values, at least to my knowledge.
Educated Muslim males are mostly found in general caste, but they want to marry in their own caste.
Girls like me have been facing such an issue, which is very disturbing, because after doing a lot of hard work we are still struggling on the social front.
Societal pressure, familial rumination, labeling, age shaming have become a part of my life. Sometimes I wonder is it ok to be highly educated with OBC caste. Because after all I will have to compromise with a person less educated if I get married in my community. And obviously it’s not a good situation for my mental health.
I want your help in this matter. can you plz write up something on this issue very prevelant among educated Muslims. But plz don’t mention my name.
Hope to hear from you soon .
I posted the above email on my fb page with my email id.
I also forwarded to the young lady, about whom I wrote the fb post, some marriage proposals I received by email in response to the fb post.
I also wrote to her that there were over 400 comments on the fb post.
This was her reply :
” Yes sir, I have read them all just a few minutes back.
I thank you for sharing that, but after reading those posts I wonder is it really easy to share something on a social platform, and handle people who have a narrow perspective, who don’t see the actual message ?
And it’s really disgraceful to see that some people are still shameless enough to blame girls for their high demands, unattractive features, etc.
Is it wrong to make a career first, and wanting social and financial independence ? How many Muslims encourage their wives or daughters in law to continue higher education, get a good job, etc ? How many males can adjust with a wife superior to them on educational and financial level ? Very few.
People are suggesting to me to get married with a divorcee or an old man, as if I were dying to get married.
Sir, I wrote you to make people aware of the backward mindsets of most Muslim men, and about the stigma people have against single girls like me, the concept of age shaming, and the problems of girls like me in finding a suitable partner for marriage ( which we want ) ”