A social problem among many highly educated single ladies in the Indian subcontinent

 I recently received an email from a young Muslim unmarried lady, who obviously wants to get married. She is Qureshi by caste, and is a Ph.D. and an Asst Prof in Psychology in a degree college in Western UP.
Her email, given below, depicts the plight of many single, highly educated, young ladies, of all communities, not just Muslims ( many of whom I know ) in the Indian subcontinent
” Hello sir, assalamualaikum (peace be upon you)
Hope you are well. I really appreciate the way you connect with general folks and try to make them open minded and really educated, not on paper only, but in the real sense.
I am writing to you to share a problem of mine, but of course its about numerous single, highly educated, Muslim girls of India.
Sir, I am 34 years old, OBC Muslim ( Qureshi ), PhD from a top medical college. I am a senior assistant professor in a degree college in western UP, but despite all this I am unmarried. The reason is because Muslim men are not that educated among OBCs, and if they are, most have high demands, and sometimes not good in character and values, at least to my knowledge.
Educated Muslim males are mostly found in general caste, but they want to marry in their own caste.
Girls like me have been facing such an issue, which is very disturbing, because after doing a lot of hard work we are still struggling on the social front.
Societal pressure, familial rumination, labeling, age shaming have become a part of my life. Sometimes I wonder is it ok to be highly educated with OBC caste. Because after all I will have to compromise with a person less educated if I get married in my community. And obviously it’s not a good situation for my mental health.
I want your help in this matter. can you plz write up something on this issue very prevelant among educated Muslims. But plz don’t mention my name.
Hope to hear from you soon .
Regards ”
        I posted the above email on my fb page with my email id.
    I also forwarded to the young lady, about whom I wrote the fb post, some marriage proposals I received by email in response to the fb post.
I also wrote to her that there were over 400 comments on the fb post.
This was her reply :
” Yes sir, I have read them all just a few minutes back.
 I thank you for sharing that, but after reading those posts I wonder is it really easy to share something on a social platform, and handle people who have a narrow perspective, who don’t see the actual message ?
And it’s really disgraceful to see that some people are still shameless enough to blame girls for their high demands, unattractive features, etc.
 Is it wrong to make a career first, and wanting social and financial independence ? How many Muslims encourage their wives or daughters in law to continue higher education, get a good job, etc ? How many males can adjust with a wife superior to them on educational and financial level ? Very few.
 People are suggesting to me to get married with a divorcee or an old man, as if I were dying to get married.
Sir, I wrote you to make people aware of the backward mindsets of most Muslim men, and about the stigma people have against single girls like me, the concept of age shaming, and the problems of girls like me in finding a suitable partner for marriage ( which we want ) ”

1 COMMENT

  1. Few uncivilised criminals from dominating obc caste Yadav (long back called Gwala later on being populated dominating developed organised much politically &socially awakened too heading on mission under Akhilesh & Laloo families from UP&Bihar respectively to stay in power anyway by hook or crook on political super structure based on MY equation &to woo others for votes on various gimmicks) do in so big village as they like preying over 20 castes from minority castes to exploit them as & when get so chances being alleged over any matters on flimsy grounds. Panchayat is done like fix matches on money vote caste family consideration.
    I suffer land disputes for 3 generations from a rowdy strong unscrupulous moneyed family of my own caste having good electorate &also man power beyond his family too. They are valued much for good votes to help so dawang Yadav families from their votes in winning elections for mukhia sarpanch vidhayak etc. Another point is family background for repute that while six or seven people did matric graduation in big village having five panchayats four were from it. 3rd point is a man got recruited as literate constable by political pairavi & later retired as a police inspector. His nephew became sub inspector of police too from pairvi though intelligent he was. He retired as DSP. other members too got government jobs of teachers inspector etc to earn a family having good members in govt jobs as well an inspector person connected to a minister being as his body guard. And so such family became icon 💖 of village to inspire others. So none could favour me & so became preyed to a feudal family to suffer so much for so long on land disputes being created deliberately to enjoy oppressing us. Once my mother asked me to get poisoned ourselves on being vexed so much being attacked from them often.
    I filed Partition suit in 2009 in the court. Yet is being fought. Injunction too imposed over one acre of homestead lands & violated too constructing building from a family from them. A misc case came up too over being Injunction violated I.e. contempt of court in 2013. Verdict given recently that nothing clear is found nor documentary evidence etc found over the case&so dismissed despite thrice advocate commissioner came & reports submitted too. Two buildings stand verily over the lands under injunction. Such is our judiciary.
    Later a room boundary wall etc attached with my new building built got dismantled with cooperation of so Yadav people. When I went PS that very ring master guy from Yadav was found with SHO to favour my enemy party.
    A plot measuring 18 dhur gairmajarua aam land attached to my kewala land over which our ancestors have been residing for 200 years & so under us. Any way my enemy party grabbed 12 dhurs out of it&claims too over rest 6 dhurs over which they dismantled my old room etc over which new building was to be built. For over 8 months PS is expected to come to help me in building left over works of room etc building.
    In Parliament what Manoj Jha spoke & in reaction a Rajput leader spoke about uprooting tongue of Jha too. Feudalism reigns everywhere & Brahmin is alleged as respnsible for all evils of society & nation being so political gimmick created for political benefits. Unfortunate.
    You were CJ too. So I wrote so irrelevant matters too to see & judge where & how our nation society etc are passing through?
    I asked a Muslim author of a book unpublished Prophet a messenger of Islam to all her daughter going school in the year 1978 in जहानाबाद/Bihar on being requested from her daughter secretly scaring that if her father will know that her daughter herself told me to say him for her favour to allow for schooling he will beat her. He refused to allow her going school refuting as not required being girl.
    So is our society suffering so much glaring social evils in society. God knows where our political evils will render our nation & society in future?

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