Threads of Parenting
In the parenting of the GenZ and Millennials, there are numerous significant differences. Certainly, due to technology advancements, new revolutions, new technologies, and changing materialistic demands, our priorities have undergone substantial shifts. The way we treat and give importance to things is evolving in this entirely new ecosystem. However, amidst all the changes, one thing which still remains constant – the absence of a substantial amount of humility and a grounded nature in this GenZ generation. The responsibility for this lies with parents, and with technology. And somewhere along the line, the first responsibility lies with our parents, while the second responsibility lies with technology.
In today’s generation, the way parenting is done, we are fortunate enough that the concept of “family struggle” seems unfamiliar to us. Or perhaps, the art of feeling grateful and having respect for what we have appears to be missing within us GenZ individuals. As I mentioned earlier, it seems our parents aim to shield us from the challenges they themselves faced.
Moreover, in the present era, everything is readily available, especially in terms of resources. Whether it’s accessing knowledge for trivial matters, studies, books, or any other knowledgeable content, the process has become remarkably convenient. In contrast, in the past, individuals had to flip through multiple pages of a dictionary to find the meaning of a single word, whereas nowadays, a simple “Ok Google” suffices.
There’s a saying that goes, [jitni chadar ho utna hi pair phailana chahiye]
English Equivalent: cut your dress according to your cloth. This proverb often reflects the initial steps taken in this new era of parenting, especially in the context of Gen Zs. Often, parents go beyond their means to fulfill their children’s extravagant desires, needlessly expanding the boundaries of their comfort. This results in the deterioration of our habits over time. Gradually, our connections with social life, the understanding of positive efforts, the experience of struggle, and the practice of gratefulness all become unfamiliar to us. To the extent that we forget even where to find happiness. We are often left oblivious to these aspects, and slowly, even our sense of joy fades away.
Now, whenever your trivial desires are fulfilled by your parents, it feels incredibly delightful. It’s akin to everyone seeing a Mukesh Ambani -Neeta Ambani in their own parents when witnessing the fulfilment of these desires.
Consider the term “Hindustan Desh” as synonymous with “Diversity.” While the current generation is primarily Gen Z, the upbringing and parenting styles vary tremendously. It means that some are receiving an upbringing akin to that of a prince, where every wish is being fulfilled by their parents. On the other hand, there are those who, at a young age, are struggling to find work to make ends meet. Our upbringing is not uniform, and luck plays a significant role in this. Well, this is all part of the intricate web of life.
After a certain period, when these very Gen Z individuals leave their homes, embarking on the pursuit of a job in the so-called crucial, unrealistic world, they often find that this world is more like shattering a golden dream. No, it’s not as glamorous as Ranveer Singh’s “Band Baaja Baaraat,” nor as adventurous as Hrithik Roshan’s “Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.” If there’s any resemblance, it might be somewhat akin to Ranbir Kapoor’s character in “Tamasha.”
The term “Independent” often sounds good, especially during school functions on August 15. However, its combination with life is often not as pleasant. And when these Gen Zs cannot fulfill their aspirations on their terms in this new world, they often become victims of issues like depression and anxiety.
To illustrate, consider this: until now, before leaving home, we, Gen Z, enjoyed a comfortable life on our father’s money. Now, in our jobs, we are living a simple, straightforward life. Somewhere, the parenting has been so indulgent and extravagant that saving in our salary is out of the question. Even if our hobbies are fulfilled, it’s considered a significant achievement.
Dekho Boss, Chadar badi karne me koi problem nahi hai. However, it’s a different story when trying to broaden the scope. The real challenge comes when, due to unwanted decisions, the scope of that blanket shrinks. For example, entering the real, challenging world after a life of luxury. When the scope of that blanket becomes smaller, living that life often becomes difficult.
The impact of this process on our mental balance is referred to by the Gen Z of this 21st century as “Bro, Adulting is hitting hard.”
Depression is a Foul Play
“Depression, anxiety, not keeping up well with my mental health.” Maybe it didn’t exist as much for people in the past. I mean, the ratio was considerably lower, especially in children. Back in the 20th or 19th century, the term ‘depression’ hardly existed. Phrases like “Yaar mera Mood off” or “Man nahi kar raha hai” were the only ways people expressed mental struggles in the good old times. Fancy terms like counselling and sessions weren’t used, and if something felt like counselling, we were advised to play outdoor games for at least two hours. The truth is, those two hours of playing outdoor games were no less than a therapy. I mean, we genuinely felt happy again. It was like the mind blooming once more.
However, in this generation, in today’s times, trusting the idea that playing outdoor games might improve our mental functioning seems quite strange. Yes, indulging in overthinking about trivial matters seems to be the best use of our time. And perhaps, this is where procrastination takes place in our lives. Perhaps also because we have Google, and Google has all the answers. There’s no comparison between parents and Google.
Depression or anxiety, if I ask why it’s becoming so prevalent among us the Gen Z, somewhere our lifestyle and choices play a role in triggering it. Where we invest a significant portion of our time, especially on social media, contributes to it. Social media has its own set of tools, among them are Instagram and Snapchat. There are others besides these two, but these hold a slightly higher position in the hierarchy.
Instagram: It’s an app that has the potential to shatter your confidence. It can compel you to repeatedly compare yourself to others, making you feel forced to showcase the perceived dullness of your life and the apparent lack of knowledge. Instagram has a way of making these realizations hit you like a super-like.
Snapchat: The unique feature of this app is that it can teach you how to feel jealous of others while sitting at home. Your friends have travelled the whole world, enjoyed every bit of life, and you’ve managed to ruin your life by doing nothing.
Apart from spending a long time on these social media platforms, you start experiencing FOMO to some extent. In your friend list, someone is conquering a milestone, someone is doing something interesting, someone has achieved something – and similarly, your so-called favorite social media influencers. How cool are they, right? Do these people really live such a life?
Look yaar life is an amalgamation of experiences, both good and bad, the worst and the best. However, social media paints a different picture. About 95% of the content we schedule or post on any social media platform reflects only the best days, happiest moments, and positive experiences. As a viewer, comparing my life with that of an influencer can have a negative impact on my mind. In reality, that influencer may have more problems than me, but being part of their curated and idealized bubble, I find myself caught up in the trap.
But what is the truth behind it? Obviously, social media is a trance, it’s a vicious cycle, and we are all part of it. But what’s even worse is that, inspired, we create an extensive bucket list, which is good. However, when reality hits and in the future, we can’t even come an inch closer to that bucket list, a feeling of not achieving anything sets in. Perhaps, the realization that all of this is beyond our control. It’s only then that the seeds of anxiety and depression start to sprout.
Whether it’s good or bad, I don’t know, but this is what today’s our generation considers cool. Perhaps, this is where we have been finding happiness (even if it’s fake). Somewhere, these factors, this constant urge, the feeling that we have nothing compared to others, snatch away the element of humility. Eventually, we stop being humble and grounded.
According to an economic theory, our needs are comparatively finite, but our wants are infinite. It’s the materialistic curse on us. In today’s generation, we are solely focused on things that are unnecessary and out of reach – brands, names, and the pursuit of the unnecessary. Social media somewhere intensifies the urge of wanting more and more, even desiring the unnecessary stuff.
And this is where you start feeling that “Bro, I’m utterly useless”.
Confidence is Subjective
Choosing between ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ on an Instagram post might be relatively straightforward for some. However, raising your hand in a school or college group, where you’re more visible, might lead to hesitation. The hesitation reflects the complex nature of confidence. This demonstrates how biassed you are. We might not have the same degree of assurance.
It’s quite evident that compared to an extrovert, an introvert may appear more reserved and speak less when interacting with strangers. They often prefer to think carefully before speaking. On the other hand, the same introvert may become quite extroverted in front of their comfortable circle, such as family or close friends.
It’s clear that an introvert may feel less confident in situations where they feel uncomfortable. Then what exactly confidence is?
Now, compared to past times, the definition of confidence has changed to some extent in today’s era. In the language of Gen Z, I would say: It’s the strength of an individual where a person takes action based on trust, presents oneself without hesitation, without worrying about what others might say. Without any concern about what people may think, and if they do have opinions, you have a valid explanation and complete knowledge about what you have done or said. Behind all this, it’s your belief and faith that supports you.
Nowadays, we’ve entered the 21st century, where generations and trends are changing at the same rapid pace. The perspective towards everything is becoming more nuanced, so much so that every aspect is being scrutinized thoroughly. It’s a good thing that we have technology because our generation is blessed with abundant career options.
However, the flip side is that with so many options comes a lot of confusion. For example, in the past, if you chose math as your major in high school, engineering was the only viable professional option. But look at today, engineers are leaving engineering to pursue various other fields because we have the option to explore alternatives if engineering doesn’t work out.
Technology, social media, influencers, society, and friend circle (Instagram friend circle – the only friend circle. And why not? We are Gen Zs. We are in an era where we have to earn humans. There’s no shortcut to it.), brands, luxury, career. All these terms are interconnected in today’s time. For instance, due to technology, we have social media, where we encounter influencers with their own social circles, and in that social circle, we find ourselves being introduced and influenced by various brands. Often, after seeing all this, we question ourselves, ‘What are we doing? There’s no excitement, no motivation. Everything feels so monotonous!’. Unknowingly, we are losing out on hope and becoming underconfident too.
Now, being a member of the human race, it’s impossible not to compare ourselves. However, there should be a clear segregation between what you like and dislike, whom you want to emulate, and with whom you want to compare. This clear-cut segregation can contribute to the betterment of yourself and your skills.
And here, due to these unnecessary comparisons, slowly an insecurity starts to develop. For example, if you see someone around you using merchandise from a good brand, you immediately start comparing yourself, and after the comparison, you lose your confidence, just because you can’t afford it. Instead of accepting it and moving on, you let that materialistic bubble affect you. As a result, you restrict yourself in terms of execution.
And this is what I consider as a ‘Vicious Cycle of Materialistic Wants,’ where we share a complex relationship: Discomfort is proportional to insecurity, which is inversely proportional to your confidence.
However, this perspective is just one corner of the canvas for today’s Gen Z generation. There are countless reasons such as child abuse, cases where parents may belittle their children, religious restrictions, and the overall atmosphere of upbringing.
In environments surrounded by such issues, one often experiences discomfort within, giving rise to insecurity that directly impacts one’s confidence.
Therefore, confidence is subjective.
Or perhaps not!
Because even after writing all this, how many people will understand my thoughts? I’m not confident enough.
Disease of loneliness
Loneliness. It might not be an illness, but for today’s Gen Z generation, it is no less than any ailment. Now that they are independent and have embraced adulting, it feels like facing an unfamiliar challenge. However, the reality is that we’ve already embarked on this journey.
Creating new connections, the art of meeting people seems to have faded away. As a result of this cycle, gradually, fewer people become a part of our lives. Often, this realization pricks us, and fear starts creeping in.
It all began, as we leave home and our shares of space, school friends drift away, new friendships bloom in college, jobs take over, and everyone becomes engrossed in their own lives. What’s left behind is the solitude budding within us. Friendships, once nurtured from the heart, now seem confined to Instagram reels and Snapchat streaks. Though we all claim to be friends, the reality is that our friendship is limited to occasional interactions. The faces we used to see every morning are reduced to once-a-year encounters, feeling like a miraculous reunion.
Often with leaving home, then encountering a world filled with challenges, witnessing shattered mental illusions, losing confidence, and being engulfed by a long queue of self-doubt-ridden questions. But above all, there’s one thing we neither willingly accept nor reject, yet we have to endure – Solitude. The experience of being alone, a life filled with silence, restlessness, a sense of unease.
Sometimes everything feels like a bluff. Looking at all this, a line from the movie “Kho Gaye Hum Kahan” comes to mind, something like “It is the digital aage. Sirf lagata hai zyada connected hai. Lekin shayad itne akele hum kabhi nahi the.”
The thought of being judged based on our circumstances becomes daunting. Although we want to mingle with them, the fear that they might develop misconceptions holds us back. Before they leave you behind, you yourself cut your ties and start driving your vehicle on a different path. And just like that, we, the Gen Z, begin to fill our lives with emptiness.
Which is true! Perhaps, we were never this alone before. In this solitude, the nature of everything gets distorted, and the equilibrium is disturbed. Words like intimacy and familiarity seem like something we’ve never heard before.
Often, we give importance to money, thinking that having money will bring fun, adventure, and everything in life. I agree with this to some extent, but perhaps not entirely. The reason being, experiencing certain emotions and having meaningful connections are priceless. Money can be a temporary solution to many problems but not a permanent one. Because after a while, everything becomes monotonous, and we end up returning to where we left life.
Intimacy is indeed crucial in relationships. However, finding genuine intimacy in today’s world seems challenging. Whether it’s Verbal Intimacy or caring, expressing oneself openly and sharing the state of one’s heart with someone is becoming increasingly rare. We all desire someone who cares enough to inquire about our well-being, holds genuine interest in knowing us. Loneliness hasn’t only stolen companionship and trust from our lives but has also reshaped the very definition of relationships. Perhaps that’s why the current generation turns to platforms like Tinder and Bumble in search of their love stories.
And what happens next is already known to everyone.
However, with this chain, you tend to overthink, and again, what happens next is already known to everyone.
Our misses should never be missing
Knowing ourselves is crucial. We should address our flaws and strengths with utmost honesty. In the fast-paced race of life, we often become so engrossed in others’ stories that we start feeling like a side character in our own. As a result, even with the desire, we struggle to love ourselves. We unintentionally feel insecure and become melancholic despite moments of happiness.
However, dealing with this self-disconnect is not the solution. Perhaps, accepting ourselves as we are in that moment is the key. You are valuable, so begin by loving yourself above all else.
With love(s) (Plural),
From one GenZ to another GenZ
