Postscript: Movement

Sometimes one situation in life gives you so many new perspectives and learnings that there is a gradual movement towards a wiser state of oneself. To get straight to the point, last year, I didn’t get admission into a Ph.D. and neither did I get a teaching job. Both were grails I was acutely obsessed with. I mourned the loss to the extent that I forgot how my body would take this lamentation. The signs soon became pretty obvious. My mind could no longer take it and neither did my body, making me realise that I cannot let ‘not getting something I dearly want’ take a toll on my well-being. That was the first perspective I got— the fundamental relation between life and health.

When I didn’t get what I wanted, I was no longer grateful for what I did have (health), until I began to lose that either. I believe that the more you complain, the more you suffer. I forgot that what I had already achieved so far, had also once been a part of my bucket list. I should have been obliged to have ticked some boxes. A new signpost saying ‘no one gets everything in this world’ appeared on the road called ‘life’.

When I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, I started a quest to find what I could do and what
assets there were. The times when you are lost, are the times when you find yourself anew, when you reform yourself. At such a time, one of the things I could lean on was writing — the one thing where I felt liberated, where I could release my inner stream of emotions, where I could play with words (you might be wondering whether I have declared myself a full-time poet/writer). When one door closed, others opened. Maybe the closed door was open and fit for others but not fit for me. And maybe there is another one more suited for me. Sometimes you have limited opportunities in life but you still have them and I am glad I could see that finally, even if a little late.

I have endeavoured to remain hopeful through it all since belief in Allah is what keeps us alive. Also, I have learned to find pockets of peace in the darkest of outfits.